Once I longed to serve her

Once I got a taste

But it was only a taste

I can not help but drive by now

The routine of going and being is innate

But I have to let her go

It pains me to see her move on

voices of sermons persuade me to move back

yet this is no longer my roll

books and  ideas draw me to work

yet what does engaging them accomplish?

my surrounding envelopes me like a cruel trick

letting her go is not my wish

my heart is heavy under these groanings

what is God’s plan for all this?

the pressure of life looms large and loud

my ears are deafening to all the sounds

walking away, settling for the now

help my heart be satisfied

let my mind be quiet with no answers

somehow allow me not to lose my grip

hold me Father, hold me for now